Recently I have been feeling a great deal of pain and sorrow deep within my heart and soul. Sometimes it is so strong that I truly feel alone and lost in a storm. I love writing and getting my thoughts and feelings out. I often like to write to someone who has hurt me and explain my pain but often times it is seen as just blaming or trying to cause drama. This time I sat down to write and found myself writing a letter to myself about “What I Deserve”. It felt so good to focus on myself and how I want to be treated and what my boundaries need to be in order to protect myself. Reading my letter to myself helps to remind me who I need to be to protect myself from more pain. I hope that my letter will help someone else out there to value themselves more and even write their own letter of what they deserve.
What I Deserve
I am learning so much about myself and about life. I am learning that I deserve love, I deserve respect and I deserve happiness. I am learning that I can forgive anything but that doesn’t mean I have to give chance after chance or keep people who have hurt me in my life, even if I love them. If someone says they love me, I want to feel it instead of doubting it every day based on how they treat me or what they do or say when I am not around.
I cannot live my life as someone else’s doormat. I refuse to be someone’s target for anger, negativity, blame and insults. I am a good person who believes in unconditional love and I know now that I deserve it in return. If someone has to insult me or blame me in order to make themselves feel better or faultless then they are not only being dishonest to me, but also to themselves. If someone cannot face their own demons and pay their own consequences, it is their problem and I will not allow them to project it onto me in order to take the focus off of them. I am my own person with my own mistakes and I have no responsibility to anyone else’s issues. I want people in my life who can admit they have faults and who can work through them for personal growth.
I want people in my life who are proud to have me in their life and by their side. People who always speak positively of me even when I am having a bad day. People who defend my character as if it were their own. I will not be used for my good to make others look better just so they can devalue me for an easier discard in the future. I want people in my life who would never devalue me because they know and appreciate my true value. If someone does not want to be in my life I will not waste my love and energy on trying to get them to stay and I will not stay stuck in the pain of waiting for them to return. I will let them go without resentment and I will move on to a better place in life for my own peace and happiness.
I will listen to my instincts and intuition and realize when someone is lying to me. I will forgive the lies but not leave myself open for more lies. I will allow myself to feel the betrayal, hurt and deep pain others cause in my life, but I will not allow myself to remain in the pain. If I need to remove negative people from my life in order to be free of those feelings, then I will do so. I realize that being strong doesn’t always mean continuing to stand by someone who has clearly shown they have no empathy for my open heart and who I am as an individual.
I will not give my body intimately to someone without feeling a true love and desire for mutual intimacy. I will not sacrifice my body or self respect in an effort to please someone else or show my love for someone who has shown me no love or respect.
I will not isolate myself and keep myself from the world out of fear of what someone might ay or do in my absence or upon my return. I will live my life and do the things that make me happy because self care is essential for my well being and inner peace. I accept that some people may try to manipulate or control my personal freedom in an effort to lower my self-worth but I will not abandon doing things I enjoy or people I love.
I will face the things that other do that hurts me instead of making excuses for them as though my pain is okay. I will not dwell and over think for it is a waste of all I am worth. I am enough and anyone who doesn’t see that is clearly not enough for me!